AND SHE IS BACK....WITH THOUGHTS FOR THE NEW YEAR.

     Well my friends, I have returned to my writing.  I have attempted this return on several different occasions over the past months. But when it came time to publish, I hit delete instead.  Never happy with what I had written.  Always feelings I had not conveyed the message I was trying to share.  Afraid of being judged or misunderstood.  So many excuses!

     But as I was preparing for the holidays and the start of the new year, I came across this picture.  And it struck me that in this one little musing, I saw myself.  I saw all my excuses.  All my doubts and all my fears.  I saw all the past hurts and regrets that continue to hold me back.  I saw my anger and frustration.  I saw those balloons and realized that this is the message I give so many women and now it is time I listen to my own advise.  So this is the promise I have made to myself.  I am letting go of all the balloons that hold me back-that keep me stuck in the past.  The balloons that give me excuses.  The balloons that keep me from being the best version of myself that I can be.  

     In 2019, I decided not to make New Years Resolutions.  I was introduced to the idea of setting goals and then creating plans to achieve them.  I am happy to report that this worked for me.  I set a new goal each month, with weekly plans to achieve it. This past year I really focused on my health.  I changed the way I ate and what I ate. I lost weight and have kept it off.   I rededicated myself to my running (after my back surgery I was afraid to start again) and actually ran a few races. My goals were focused on my physical health and fitness.  But as I continued to set my goals and create my plans, I was avoiding the really big dreams -the really big goals. The really important and harder work. These are the things that cannot be measured by a scale or a stopwatch.  The things I have been avoiding are more internal.  They are the balloons.  I had not yet set my goals or created my plan for how I was going to let go of all those emotional barriers I have been carrying around with me.  

     So I am setting a goal to improve my emotional health in 2020.  Each month I am going to choose a balloon and come up with strategies to learn how to let it go.  I think that if I break that BIG emotional bouquet of balloons down into each feeling I want to work on, I can have the same success I had with improving my physical health.   

     I am starting the new year by exploring my fears.  I will not hit the delete button this time.  I will publish this blog.  I will be more confident about what I can do physically and get over this fear I have developed that I have to baby my back.  In truth, I need to strengthen it!  I will not let my fear of the unknown hold me back from trying new things. Just last night I went to  a new running group.  I went with a friend.  As it turned out, there was one other person there that I knew.  I didn't know the route.  We were running on a busy road - in the dark - but I went!  And I had a great run.  I am getting ready for a 3 month visit with my son, daughter in law and granddaughter in New Zealand.  My husband is coming for a few weeks.  My other son is coming for a few weeks as well. But when they are gone, I will be in NZ for another 6 weeks by myself.  I have a choice.  I can sit at my son's house and count on him to entertain me, or I can go out and explore on my own.  My fear of getting on the wrong bus or traveling around the city alone is REAL. But when I was there in May, I worked through some of those fears and made several bus trips into the city on my own.  This time I hope to explore new parts Auckland and the surrounding area. I cannot let fear keep me from having adventures.

     In looking ahead, I think working through some of my fears will give me the confidence I need to work through some of the other balloons.  I think finally letting go of past hurts and feelings of anger I have towards people who I have unresolved issues with will set me free - free to live the life I want for myself. These emotional balloons do not serve me.  They do not make me a better person.  They keep me stuck in the past.  

     At the start of my yoga classes, I tell my students to take a deep inhale and image that in that breath they are making room for all the wonderful things they want to bring into their life, and on the exhale, they imagine they are letting go of all the things that do not serve them.  Well these balloons no longer serve me and it is time to let them go.  Each one in their own time, with thoughtfulness and care.  

     Yes, that's right care.  Because just as my physical goals took time, achieving  these emotional goals will also be a process.  I can't just take a pin to them and think that because I popped the balloon the problem is solved.  I am not popping balloons.  I am letting them go.  I am letting these emotional hurts and pains and doubts leave me - one by one with meaning and purpose.  Because in order to let each balloon go, I have to identify it, understand it and release its hold on me.

     My hope for each of you as we begin this new year, this new decade, is that you can set goals for yourself and create a plan for achieving them.  And if you need to let a few balloons go in order to achieve those goals, let them go with gentleness, care and the knowledge that letting go of those balloons makes room for new ones - ones that will bring you peace, joy and happiness.  Happy New Year dear ones.  Thank you for your love and support.  Know that it is returned to you everyday,  through my hopes and prayers for each of you. 💖