mother's day musings

As Mother's Day approaches, I can't help but think about all the changes that have occurred in my life since last Mother's Day.  Most notably, is the fact that my mom died just about six months ago.  I miss her everyday and there are still times I reach for the phone to share a piece of news with her (even though she didn't even have a phone at the end of her life).  So many things that I want to talk to her about - questions about my childhood, news about her grandchildren and the upcoming addition of another great grandchild.  I talk to her everyday.  I wait for the cardinals to come to my bird feeder each day and I talk to them.  Mom and dad hanging at my bird feeder.  Looking in my slider.  Checking up on me.
But my thoughts also turn to my children and my role as their mom.  Their caretaker.  Their cook.  Their chauffeur.  Their cheerleader.  My days of cooking and driving them around have long since passed, but I will forever be their biggest cheerleader.  And the worry never goes away either.  When they were young I would worry - Am I feeding them right? Should they sleep on their backs, sides or tummies?  Should I worry about my thumb suckers teeth?
Today I worry about their safety.  Are they happy?  Are they eating right?  Did I say I love you enough? 
And what is my role now?  My three children are scattered.  One in New Zealand (with is wife and awaiting the birth of their first child).  One in Boston and the youngest is in California.  I try to remember to call New Zealand on weekends, but I forget about time zones and before I know it, it's Sunday night here and they are sound asleep getting ready to face Monday morning.  Even trying to see my daughter who lives in Boston is hard.  She doesn't drive.  She has to work on weekends and before we know it, it has been weeks since we have seen her.  Same with our son in California.  We have all good intentions of catching up on Sunday afternoon, but we can't get him on the phone, we leave a message and by the time he gets to it, it's too late for him to call us.
Yes, my role as a mother changes all the time.  And now I look forward to becoming a grandmother and wonder what that will be like.  
I miss my mom.  I miss my role as a mom - when my kids needed me.  I look forward to my role as a grandmother.  So on this Mother's Day I look back with fondness at old picture of my kids.  I remember my mother and grandmothers and all I learned from them.  And I count the days until I am in Auckland holding my granddaughter and imagining all the times we will share as she grows up.
Remember all the special women in your life this weekend.  Remember all they taught you.  Remember the love.  If you are a mom, Happy Mother's Day.  If you are remembering your own mom this weekend, I hope your memories bring you joy and happiness.
To my children, know that you are loved and that I being your mother is the greatest joy of my life.