Thoughts from NZ vol. 2

THOUGHTS FROM NEW ZEALAND

(volume 2)

April 13, 2020

     Today is hard.  I should be arriving home today.  I should actually be landing at Logan right about now.  But, I am not!  And while I remind myself that it is better that I am here, than at home,  I am still sad.

     I remind myself that I get at least two more months watching Amelia grow and reach new milestone (like walking and saying her first words).  But, I am still sad.

     I remind myself that I will never get the opportunity for so much quality time with Michael and Jamie - cooking, talking, enjoying good wine.  But, I am still sad.

     I remind myself that the leaders here are handling this crisis so much better than in the states.  But, I am still sad.

     I remind myself how lucky I am that we have been physically untouched by this virus personally.  Nobody in our family or circle of friends had gotten it - a fact that is such a blessing considering just how many people have contracted this virus.  But, I am still sad.

     I am still sad because this virus has caused so much disruption and devastation to the entire world.  I am still sad because it is hard to imagine how we will come out of something like this.

     Everyone tries to put a positive spin on it...myself included.  We have all this time to spend with family.  Time to slow down and enjoy simple pleasures.  Time to get all those little projects done around the house.  Time to exercise and get back into a fitness routine.  Everyone says things will be different, better, when this is over.  But, really, will they?  Are we really going to look back at this time and think "oh, remember that time when the whole world was on lockdown and we had the time to enjoy a simpler way of life"?   

     Sadly, I think the answer is NO.  Because, after only three weeks of "social distancing" and isolation people are clamoring for their "old normal".  Leaders are being pressed to pin down a date on the calendar when things this will open up again.  When will the kids go back to school?  When will the mall be opened?  When can I get a haircut?  Is everyone just going to fling open their doors and go about their business as if nothing had happened? Or, will there be some sort of gradual resumption of life as we knew it? 

     So, while I have much to be thankful for during these stressful days, I still start and end each day with more questions than answers.  I know answers will not be easy to come by because the questions and situations change so much every single day.

     And, while I think it is important to stay positive, hopeful, optimistic (pick your word), I think it is also important to acknowledge the other feelings that creep in as well.  Give them a name, too.  Sadness.  Anger.  Confusion.  Explore where these feelings are rooted.  But then, bring your focus back to the things you can control.  The things you can enjoy.  The things that give you the strength to get up each day.

     Today, I acknowledge my sadness.  I name it.  I feel it.  It is normal to feel this way.  There was a plan and then the plan changed.  It is out of my control.   I don't really have a back up plan except to stay here and enjoy all this extra time with my family.  Because that's what gives me the strength to get up each day.