Staying Connected in a Global World: A Grandmother's Rant

I am about to become a grandmother.  I am over the moon excited about this.  I have such fond memories of time spent with my grandparents. My kids were lucky enough to have known, not only their grandparents but most of their great grandparents.  Growing up in East Boston and Malden, we were surrounded by family in all directions.  Sunday dinners, holidays, family celebrations.  There was always an occasion for us to be together.  Even when my grandparents moved to the suburbs of Natick and my family moved to Plymouth we still managed to keep those family bonds in tact.
I wanted to be the "Nonni" who babysits, and bakes cookies with my grandchildren.  I wanted my kitchen table to become the place where everyone gathered on a Sunday afternoon.  But in this global world my role as a grandparent will be quite different because my grandchild will be born in NEW ZEALAND!  I will be a digital grandparent.  Facetime will be the thread of our family bonds.  There are times that this realization makes me very sad.  It's hard to be a hands-on, helpful Nonni from the other side of the world.  How is this going to work?  
Are there others of you out there reading this who have experienced this?  How do you form connections and family bonds if you don't have physical contact.  Is Facetime really enough?  I am not making a joke of this.  I am truly troubled by this situation.  
I feel it with my own children.  One son in New Zealand, the other in California.  I am constantly checking time differences before I call them.  Every contact has to be planned.  My daughter is in Boston and even though we talk to each almost every day, I don't get to see her nearly as much as I'd like because of her work schedule.  Sunday is longer a day of rest.  It is just another work day.
We are a society on the move.  We go where the jobs and money are.  We go where we can live the lifestyle that best suits us.  Family connections are formed through technology, not physical contact.  I am not accepting this easily.
We will make this work!!!!  We head to New Zealand in a few weeks to meet our grand daughter.  We are already planning for Christmas and summer vacations.  There will be a lot of planning and not a lot of spontaneous family gatherings.  Facetime will be our "dinner table".  It will be the life line that binds us together.  And when we do get to be physically together, those times will be even more special because we will be working hard to make them happen.
Mike and Jamie have created a beautiful life for themselves in New Zealand.  They have worked hard for it.  I couldn't be prouder of them.  I know they are going to be amazing parents - ready to raise a strong independent daughter.  Even though my role as a grandmother is going to be nothing like my grandmother and mother enjoyed, I am going to savor every moment that I get to spend with her - whether it is in person or on a screen.  I can't wait to start the adventure.

Using Mantras to Create Change

Deepak Chopra defines the use of mantras as "a vehicle that takes you into quieter, more peaceful levels of the mind."  But what is a mantra?  A mantra is a word or phrase you repeat to help you connect to the energy of the universe.  It is believed that incorporating mantras into your daily routine will help you become more focused and centered.  When practiced regularly, they can offer comfort, inspiration, motivation, as well as a sense of calm, peace and balance. 
The use of mantras as a wellness practice has been around for over 3,000 years.  In her book, Mantras Made Easy, Sherianna Boyle compares mantras to "family heirlooms or secret recipes", passed down from generation to generation in the ancient language of Sanskrit.  They were used for healing and spiritual growth. Boyle refers to mantras as "word energy" that one taps into.  "You are not only tapping into the energy of the words, but a level of consciousness that was put into those words by those who repeated it before you."  Therefore, you are not just repeating words, but you are transforming the words into energy and that energy creates a transformation in the physical, emotional and spiritual body.

The power of the mantra comes from the shift in mindset it creates. Research shows that if you constantly repeat negative thoughts about yourself and your situation, you will continue to be in a negative state. Conversely, if you develop a positive outlook about yourself and where you are in life, you will be happier, and will find more joy and peace in everyday experiences. 
Mantras help you see yourself and your life situations in a different, more positive way. 
In my yoga and meditation practices, I use mantras to help me breath properly.  Knowing how to use the breath is important in creating a sense of calm in the body.  Breathing from the belly (inflating the belly as you inhale and allowing it to deflate on the exhale) stimulates the lower lobes of the lungs, which is where the calming nerves are located. 
In using the breath when repeating a mantra, you repeat part of the phrase on the inhale, and the rest of the phrase on the exhale. A simple way to begin a mantra practice is to slowly say "I breathe in" as you inhale and "I breathe out" as you exhale.  Repeat this 10 ten times.  You can practice this in your car sitting in traffic or at a red light.  Use it in the morning to start your day in a positive way.  Try it at night as way to quiet the mind before you go to sleep.  
Other benefits of introducing mantras into your wellness routine...they are free!  You can repeat them anywhere!  You don't need any special equipment!  You can repeat a mantra while walking, gardening, when meditating or praying.  As Boyle states in Mantras Made Easy, "two simple words, such as thank you, can be the mantra you state before meals...or at beginning of your day". 
Beginning Monday, April 22nd, I will be hosting "28 Days of Mantras for Living" on my Facebook page, Lotus Cove Yoga and Meditation.  I will be posting a new video every day (April 22 - May 19) in which I will introduce a new mantra and the meaning behind it.  Most of the mantras will use the power of the breath (inhale/exhale) as explained above.  There will be mantras for happiness, love, healing and overcome fear/anxiety.  



In the meantime, I leave you with the following mantra from Buddha to practice with this week:


Copy/print it and put it on your mirror, your refrigerator or on your dashboard.  Say it when you get up, before you go to bed or while your loading your dishwasher.  Say it several times throughout the day.  Don't just repeat the words, but really think about the meaning and the power of the words.  Let this mantra be your source of inspiration this week.  If you don't think you are on "the path", look for things that come up during your day that help you see that you are either on "the path" or working towards it. Allow the power of this mantra to help you find joy, happiness and gratitude for all you have, especially if you don't see or feel it in this moment.  
Mantras can provide clarity, balance and calm in a world that seems to take these things away.  If you are interested in learning more, you can contact me at sadaley81@gmail.com and you can join Lotus Cove Yoga and Meditation on Facebook.  Join before 
April 22nd so you don't miss any of the "28 Days of Mantras for Living" event.
Namaste💜

Exploring the use of Essential Oils: What you need to know before you buy

The use of Essential Oils has taken off in the past few years.  Proponents of their use claim they can be used for a variety of ailments and conditions, from reducing anxiety, soothing tummy troubles and relieving headaches. I love my oils and use them for every thing from skin care to house cleaning. I no longer use perfume.  Instead, I use some of my favorite oils.  I use them as part of my yoga and meditation practice.  I use them in diffusers to help me sleep and to make my house smell good. The oils are produced from flowers, herbs and trees and each has unique characteristics that provide different benefits. Used in different combinations, you can create blends that can reduce muscle stiffness (no more smelling like BenGay), give you a mental boost when you are feeling sluggish and help calm you when you are feeling unsettled.
The most recent movement towards the use of essential oils probably started with the onset of "aromatherapy" - the  use of the scents of these oils to enhance physical, psychological and spiritual well-being. The most common use of aromatherapy is in the massage industry, where clients can pay an up-charge to have their massage oil smell better.  The scents smell good, so you take deep breaths.  Deep breathing slows the nervous system and helps to relax and calm you down.  The more relaxed you are, the more beneficial your massage will be.  If it smells good, you will take nice deep breaths and if you take nice deep breaths, you will relax.  Seems simple enough, but there is so much to learn as you begin your journey with essential oils.
As an essential oil consumer, you have to do your homework!  Not all essential oils are created equal.  The manufacturing of these oils is not regulated by any governing body.  This leaves the consumer to fend for themselves when purchasing essential oils. How do you know you are getting a high quality, pure oil, that isn't diluted with lower quality oils or artificial ingredients?  Always look for the word "essential".  This indicates that you aren't just buying "perfumed oil" that contains no plant material.  Other indicators that you are buying true "essential oils" are the use of amber or blue glass bottles (to protect against sunlight) and price.  Real essential oils are not inexpensive.  Do your homework. My friend, Melissa Osborn, is a doTerra Oil Wellness Advocate.  When I asked her about choosing the right oil she says "it's crucial to know where your oils are sourced from, and that they are tested for purity.  doTerra has a stellar reputation" in this area.*  Read the labels and be very careful of the words being use to describe the product.  
Marketing can be very deceiving.  Like any product that comes to  the market claiming health benefits, be cautious of words like "cures", "prevents" and "treats".  These words are big red flags.  Some manufacturers are using the term "therapeutic grade" to make you think their oil is pure.  This term is purely for marketing purposes. 
Essential oils can be delivered in a variety of ways.  Room diffusers distribute the scent of the oil through a fine mist. Ultra sonic models cost a bit more, but will distribute the scent over a larger area. You can inhale some oils directly from your hand or a cotton ball.  They can be also be applied topically (directly to the skin), in a bath or in a carrier oil (olive oil, coconut oil, almond oil are common).  The use of oils directly to the skin, requires some research as some oils (citrus oils especially) can irritate the skin, especially with prolonged exposure to sunlight after application. 
Always inform your medical professionals before using essential oils.  They may affect how your body reacts to some medications.  You should also consult your pediatrician before using essential oils with children under the age of 5 years old. And never apply essential oils directly on pets.
While there is no governing body or regulations regarding the manufacturing and marketing of essential oils, there is an organization called The National Association for Holistic Aromatherapy (naha.org) that can help you with questions about the safe use of essential oils. I have gained a lot of my knowledge about essential oils from Melissa. When I asked her to share her thoughts on the growing use of essential oils she shared with me that the use of oils can "improve physical and emotional health without the harmful side effects that many medications offer".  Let me stress, essential oils should not be used as a substitute for prescription medication.  It is worth repeating again.  Always consult your health care professional  before  using any essential oil.
My experience with essential oils started with a yoga class with Melissa. She uses essential oils to enhance her yoga classes. She includes essential oils because of their "emotional and physical benefits".  As she explains to her students, "As we mindfully use our bodies, we can also use the oils to mindfully assist in shifting our emotional state. We can move from stressed to calm, sluggish to uplifted.  It's a natural compliment to the yoga practice." As a regular at her Saturday Morning Aromayoga class, I can tell you we all enjoy the addition of the oils to our practice.   
I asked her a lot of questions and she guided me through the process of choosing my first oils.  She asked about my lifestyle and areas in my body where I felt I was holding tension.  I started with lavender (my favorite flower), lemon (I love citrus scents and peppermint (another favorite scent).  That was a little over a year ago.  Since then, my oil collection has grown.  I have educated myself about how different oils work together to create uplifting, calming and soothing blends and now I use essential oils with my yoga students.  
The use of essential oils is a safe, natural way to support your physical and mental health.  I have included a quick reference chart at the end of this post.   If you are interested in learning more about the use of essential oils, please contact me at sadaley81@gmail.com.    



*While this post is not intended to be an advertisement for doTerra oils, they are the ones I use.  The company has a trusted reputation in the way they source and produce their oils. 

**DO NOT USE ESSENTIAL OILS AS A SUBSTITUTE FOR ANY PRESCRIBED MEDICATION

***DISCUSS THE USE OF ANY ESSENTIAL OIL WITH YOUR HEALTH CARE PROFESSIONAL BEFORE USE

Problem/Concern	Suggested Oil	Method of Delivery
Sleeping Problems	Lavender Frankincense Marjoram	Diffuse Inhale Mist on pillow
Stress/Anxiety	Lavender Frankincense Marjoram Geranium Cedar wood Any citrus oil	Diffuse Inhale Rub on temples Rub on back of neck Rub on pulse points
Boosting Immune	Eucalyptus Rosemary Melaleuca Any citrus oil Any mint oil	Diffuse Inhale
Nausea/Digestive Issues	Peppermint Ginger Wild Orange Chamomile	Diffuse Inhale Rub in/around belly button
Headaches	Peppermint Lavender	Diffuse Inhale Apply to temples
Uplifting Mood/Alertness	Eucalyptus Cedarwood Any citrus oil Any mint oil	Inhale Diffuse Apply to pulse points

Lessons learned from Loss

I have many resources for my writing prompts.  One of my favorites is Meera Lee Patel's book Start Where You Are.  It is a beautifully illustrated book of quotes and accompanying writing prompts.
Recently, the quote I came upon was "when you lose, don't lose the lesson", by the Dalai Lama.  The writing prompt was as follows:
"Think of something you lost recently.  What are two positive insights you gained from the experience? " 
I thought back over the past few days and couldn't think of anything I had lost.  Thought back over the past few weeks and still couldn't think of anything that had gone missing.  But one phrase kept running through my mind - I had lost my mother!
Now I never understood the use of the word "lost" to refer to someone's dying.  When something is lost, it is implied it can be found. I didn't need to "find" my mother.  I know where she is! As I believe, she has taken her spot in heaven with my dad and grandparents and everyone else who went before her. But the expression kept popping into my head...I lost my mother.
Instead of fighting this idea I decided to explore it more deeply.  
I had "lost" my mother just before Thanksgiving. But in actuality, she was gone long before she died.  Mom had Alzheimer's.  Over the years we lost pieces of her - her stories, her smile, the twinkle in her eyes.  Her spirit had been stolen by this horrible disease.  
In her book, Learning to Speak Alzheimer's, Joanne Koenig Coste describes Alzheimer's as "one of the great scourges of old age in the twenty-first century".  Luckily, government and medical agencies have continued to increase funding and research for the cause and possible cures for the disease that effects millions. But there is still so much that is unknown about how the disease begins and how to stop it.
As for my mother's journey with Alzheimer's it began as most - misplacing the keys; forgetting where the car was parked; repetition of the same stories over and over again.  She became unable to keep up with conversations around the table.  She became quiet and withdrawn.  She forgot how to cook.  She forgot the names of her grandchildren and great grandchildren.  She struggled to remember my name and the names of my siblings.  When we went to visit, her expression was so sad as she struggled to put the pieces of the puzzle together.  Who is this person?  "I think I know you, but I don't know how".  
And as her child, I wanted to go in and give her a big hug and kiss hello, but sometimes she seemed so frightened.  I wanted to have conversations with her - tell her about her grandchildren, things I was doing, trips I had taken.  What I would give to hear one of those stories that she repeated over and over again one more time.
As I continued to write down all the things I "lost" as my mother battled Alzheimer's, I started to think about the "positive insights"
I was supposed to be reflecting on.  What positive insights could possibly come from such a devastating disease?  And the more I thought about it, I did start to discover some things I learned about myself and how I was dealing with the loss of my mother (even though she was still alive) and they were positive. 
I had to create a new relationship with her.  As much as I wanted to walk in and hug and kiss her and tell her about what was going on in my life, it wasn't what she needed.  I learned to slow down and see where she was at any given moment.  Sometimes she could be quite funny and engaging in her own new way.  I learned to appreciate any time she was chatty.  I learned to let her take the lead.  She was living in a whole new world.  She told great stories that helped her keep things logical and in order.  Even though her past memories were gone, she kept these stories straight.  Like the one about how she was taking care of the children who lived in this house while their parents were away.  The children were dolls.  She loved them.  She used her walker as a stroller to take them everywhere she went.  She referred to all her family pictures as "theirs" and commented on how big that family was.  I learned to put myself in her world instead of trying to keep her in mine.
We were so lucky as we continued on this journey with her.  She had a wonderful neurologist who encouraged us to educate ourselves about the disease and its progression.  When my dad died we were lucky to find a spot in an assisted living facility that also had a Memory Care Unit.  When mom became unable to care for herself, we did not have to leave the facility.  She was able to move to the Memory Care Unit.  For as long as she was able, she would go over to the assisted living side for sing-a-longs, bingo and art class.  We were so blessed that she was in a facility where people knew her, loved her and cared for us, as well.  
Alzheimer's changed my family.  We all dealt with the downward progression in different ways. I learned there is no "right" or "wrong" way to grieve through the process of the disease.  In the course of a single day, each of us would see different things in our mother.  She would almost always recognize my sister, and almost never recognized me.  I didn't love my mother (or my sister) any less because of this.  We each had different times of day when we could visit, so we saw different parts of her day.  If  we got there in the morning she was (at times) more alert and engaging.  If we visited late in the day she would be more quiet and confused about where she was and why she was there.  Every visit presented a new challenge.  And each of us handled these challenges in the best way we could.
I have been writing and rewriting this post for days.  I have deleted it so many times, thinking that it is too sad a subject to share in a blog post.  I looked through some of the notes I had written while reading Learning to Speak Alzheimer's.  I remembered how much comfort I got from reading the book, learning more about the progression of the disease and that what we were experiencing was all part of the process.  The truth is the disease has a profound effect on the family of the person who is diagnosed.  And the sad truth is, many of my friends are now dealing with a family member who has been diagnosed.  If you find yourself on this path, I encourage you to create a support system.  Go to doctor's appointments and share your observations with your loved one's doctor.  Join the local chapter of the Alzheimer's Association.  Educate yourself about the disease; the causes, the latest research, and how it progresses. Remember that you are not alone.  Find the resources that best suit you and your needs.
I lost my mother.  I lost her to Alzheimer's.  Because of this disease, I lost little pieces of her at a time. And each time I lost a piece of her, I had to learn a new way to love the mother I had left.